Monday, December 28, 2009


Life is very unpredictable.  One minute you are driving in your car. The next, you are inside your smashed car talking to rescue workers, praying that the baby inside you is still alive.  Dramatic, I know some of you might say, but it is true. It was what I lived.  It made me think about life and how I live it.

I think about that fateful morning pretty much every day.  I think about the "what ifs".  If I didn't crash, would Roa not have cerebral palsy?  If  I would have stayed home that morning instead of driving to work, nauseated, constipated, and light-headed, would my life be different now?  If I had not passed out while driving and made it to the side of the road safely, would I be a different kind of mother to a different kind of little boy?

Bryan tells me not to think about it. I am not to blame.  The doctors tell me there is no way of know if the car accident was the cause of Roa's issues. But,.. I still think about it- every day.

I don't want to live a life of "what ifs".  I want to surround myself with positive people and live life to its fullest. I want for Roa ALL that is possible including freedom of movement WITHOUT support by another, the ability to SPEAK his mind, the love of a family that is UNCONDITIONAL and WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.

As I sit here, my mother is in the hospital at Mayo Clinic/St. Mary's Hospital.  She has a drain in her head relieving her of pressure from built-up fluid.  This very second, she is returning to her room after her second angiogram which  is determining why there is bleeding on her brain. 
Before her severe headache two weekends ago, she officially retired from her job and was ready to enjoy life. Now, she questions her future.
I had a good talk with my mom yesterday about life and how we have choices about how we live it.  We choose what is important, what our focus is, how we treat others. 
But life is unpredictable and sometimes you have to just deal with the curve balls thrown at you.

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Mom and Me

Mom and Me