I don't want to be a Debbie. One of those moms that blah blah blah on and on about how much our family goes through. The "life isn't fair, we deserve help" sect of Special needs families that seem to only see the bad in all of this.
It's hard to not be a Downer. I fall into that trap of despair and grief often. When Bryan travels for work and I'm hustling through the snow (in April!) to get the boys loaded for therapy, when PCA number 10,000 quits (by email) because her load is too great, when I see Roa's eyes filled with longing as he watches Gunnar ride his trike around the house.
But that is not why we live this life.
We were put on Earth to lift others up. Not to cry "woe is me" and try to get what is mine. Roa doesn't have that attitude. Why should I?
Roa continues to amaze us with his positive attitude. He giggles when he goes potty. He laughs hysterically when his brother jumps on him to wrestle. He concentrates so intensely when trying to feed himself, hold his marker, or get that water to Swampy on his iPad. He is simply heroic. To everyone he encounters.
I am so grateful for the gifts of money people have donated toward Roa's life of therapies, equipment,doctors, clinics and hospitals. Having people give of themselves to better his life is more priceless then I can put into words. We are forever grateful and pay it forward when we find some extras at the end of the bills.
One loving family friend from my childhood called me. (A call out of the blue means so much). She expressed her joy of watching Roa develop via the blog. She cried with me about our grief and worries of the future. She donated some money and expressed how happy she was to be a part of "Team Roa". Because she knew someday we WILL do something great to help others that are afflicted.
Mark My Words.... We will do just that.
So I'm not promising that I will not pull a Debbie now and again. After all , CP is no walk in the park (terrible pun). But take my pain, put into words on this blog, and use it to change YOU. Read through my complaints and allow it to inspire you to be true change in someone's life.
Debbie attitude or not, each day I wake up as the someone who is promising to help others as God wants of all of us.
My constant reminder to do better, to be better is King Roa.
Let him (or some other little champ) be yours.
I too fall into grief and despair in CP land from time to time, and cycle through anger too -- like "why MY CHILD?" "WHY HER?" Because, as I've said, I can accept that my child is who she is, exactly as she is, I can accept that she has CP, but accepting that SHE HAS TO STRUGGLE? NO way. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to accept that. And, I too get so annoyed at friends and colleagues who feel like they as mothers/working mothers/etc. are balancing a ton, and I want to scream "try adding 6 therapy sessions a week in along with specialists' appointments, the guilt of feeling like you are never doing enough of the "homework," etc." I totally, totally feel that way. BUT then, from time to time, more often than the grief lately, moments of "wow this is a rich life" come too -- like the moment with your friend. Lately, I so often look at my life and the people that have walked into it because of Sammie B and am just amazed that . . . because of CP, because she has CP, because she is - who she is - such richness just keeps pouring into our lives in such astounding and unexpected ways.
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