This is a letter to apologize for falling off the face of the earth.
I know I have disappeared from the lives of many of you. The busy life of my own has grabbed hold and pulled me into a whirl wind of solitude- just me and my boys. Oh, and the continued company of a variety of therapists for Roa.
Excuses, Excuses. I know.
But, once the boys are down for the night or when I get a few minutes while they nap at the same time, the last thing I want to do is chat. About ANYTHING.
Still, my friends, I have done you wrong by not returning calls or getting in touch via the wonderful technologies of today- email, facebook, text.
Don't forget that I still need you. That each day is still a lesson in grief. That I wrestle with the joys of a typically developing baby boy vs. the sadness of a growing toddler who is frustrated with his life locked inside a body that doesn't cooperate.
The green-eyed monster has also joined our dwelling. Roa, sick this week with the flu, hates when Mom or Dad spend time with Gunnar.
ME! ME! His cries tell me, although he can't tell him this in words, which is both our frustration.
As I balance the act between nursing my baby and nursing the King back to health,
Screaming, crying from both boys. Me- Screaming inside.
But smile, coo, and soothe on the outside, as a good mother should.
A good mother who misses her friends and time without the crying, screaming, begging for every part of me.
Isn't that what EVERYONE wants in life? Strives to be... A good mother? Once you are a mother, you are one for a lifetime.
Be a good one. It is what God made you a mother for.
So put those friends on hold,...sorry friends. And pray that they will be there some day when life allows. ((Mute "Roa's Songs" and listen...))
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