Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Good Mother
Dear friends,
This is a letter to apologize for falling off the face of the earth.
I know I have disappeared from the lives of many of you. The busy life of my own has grabbed hold and pulled me into a whirl wind of solitude- just me and my boys. Oh, and the continued company of a variety of therapists for Roa.
Excuses, Excuses. I know.
But, once the boys are down for the night or when I get a few minutes while they nap at the same time, the last thing I want to do is chat. About ANYTHING.
Still, my friends, I have done you wrong by not returning calls or getting in touch via the wonderful technologies of today- email, facebook, text.
Don't forget that I still need you. That each day is still a lesson in grief. That I wrestle with the joys of a typically developing baby boy vs. the sadness of a growing toddler who is frustrated with his life locked inside a body that doesn't cooperate.
The green-eyed monster has also joined our dwelling. Roa, sick this week with the flu, hates when Mom or Dad spend time with Gunnar.
ME! ME! His cries tell me, although he can't tell him this in words, which is both our frustration.
As I balance the act between nursing my baby and nursing the King back to health,
Screaming, crying from both boys. Me- Screaming inside.
But smile, coo, and soothe on the outside, as a good mother should.
A good mother who misses her friends and time without the crying, screaming, begging for every part of me.
Isn't that what EVERYONE wants in life? Strives to be... A good mother? Once you are a mother, you are one for a lifetime.
Be a good one. It is what God made you a mother for.
So put those friends on hold,...sorry friends. And pray that they will be there some day when life allows. ((Mute "Roa's Songs" and listen...))
This is a letter to apologize for falling off the face of the earth.
I know I have disappeared from the lives of many of you. The busy life of my own has grabbed hold and pulled me into a whirl wind of solitude- just me and my boys. Oh, and the continued company of a variety of therapists for Roa.
Excuses, Excuses. I know.
But, once the boys are down for the night or when I get a few minutes while they nap at the same time, the last thing I want to do is chat. About ANYTHING.
Still, my friends, I have done you wrong by not returning calls or getting in touch via the wonderful technologies of today- email, facebook, text.
Don't forget that I still need you. That each day is still a lesson in grief. That I wrestle with the joys of a typically developing baby boy vs. the sadness of a growing toddler who is frustrated with his life locked inside a body that doesn't cooperate.
The green-eyed monster has also joined our dwelling. Roa, sick this week with the flu, hates when Mom or Dad spend time with Gunnar.
ME! ME! His cries tell me, although he can't tell him this in words, which is both our frustration.
As I balance the act between nursing my baby and nursing the King back to health,
Screaming, crying from both boys. Me- Screaming inside.
But smile, coo, and soothe on the outside, as a good mother should.
A good mother who misses her friends and time without the crying, screaming, begging for every part of me.
Isn't that what EVERYONE wants in life? Strives to be... A good mother? Once you are a mother, you are one for a lifetime.
Be a good one. It is what God made you a mother for.
So put those friends on hold,...sorry friends. And pray that they will be there some day when life allows. ((Mute "Roa's Songs" and listen...))
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The view from here
So as I was nursing Gunnar this early morning, I had a thought. (I many times do my best thinking and "mind blogging" in the wee hours of motherhood fun.) My thought was based on a memory I had from childhood.
I was 5 years old and at my friend, Stevie's birthday party. I was the only girl. Being 5, we were finally in the age of knowing that boys were different from girls. Well, the party was fine until all the little boys climbed up the ladder into Stevie's tree house. It was a great tree house- roomy, sturdy, way up high in the tall tree... what every kid would dream of. As the last boy climbed, I preceeded to have my turn up the ladder when the Birthday boy called down, "No girls allowed!"
Denied! Oh, how I cried!
Stevie's mom scolded the boys and demanded that they allow me to join the the treehouse fun, but by that point I was crying and embarrased for being a girl. I spent the rest of the party in the kitchen with Stevie's mom- on the ground, away from the slendorous view from that grand treehouse. Away from my friends. Why? Because of my difference.
As I sat nursing Gunnar, I thought about that darn treehouse and my Rojo. Will he ever get to climb a ladder to be in a treehouse? Will his peers notice his differences and not even allow him to join in? Will he spend his life the safety of the grown ups presence, away from kids his own age?
Bryan and I do all that we can to make Roa apart of the action around him. At the mall play area, we work up a sweat, crawling through tunnels and tiny kid spaces with Roa in tow so he can belong. At the Teddy Bear park, we lift his gait trainer onto the taller platforms when we notice Roa's longing gaze towards the "big kids" and their triumphant climb to the top. When another child wants to toss Roa a ball, we are his arms, with our hand over hand guidance throw the interactive play.
But, Bryan and I won't always be there to make sure Roa is allowed. That scares me most of all. Him, sitting alone, longing to be a part of the treehouse gang.
I moved on with my life after the treehouse denial. I spoke up for my differences, my gender, in games and play thereafter. I know we just need to prepare Roa to do the same.
Ahhh, acceptance. If only it would come easy for the kids like Roa that already go through so many battles.
I was 5 years old and at my friend, Stevie's birthday party. I was the only girl. Being 5, we were finally in the age of knowing that boys were different from girls. Well, the party was fine until all the little boys climbed up the ladder into Stevie's tree house. It was a great tree house- roomy, sturdy, way up high in the tall tree... what every kid would dream of. As the last boy climbed, I preceeded to have my turn up the ladder when the Birthday boy called down, "No girls allowed!"
Denied! Oh, how I cried!
Stevie's mom scolded the boys and demanded that they allow me to join the the treehouse fun, but by that point I was crying and embarrased for being a girl. I spent the rest of the party in the kitchen with Stevie's mom- on the ground, away from the slendorous view from that grand treehouse. Away from my friends. Why? Because of my difference.
As I sat nursing Gunnar, I thought about that darn treehouse and my Rojo. Will he ever get to climb a ladder to be in a treehouse? Will his peers notice his differences and not even allow him to join in? Will he spend his life the safety of the grown ups presence, away from kids his own age?
Bryan and I do all that we can to make Roa apart of the action around him. At the mall play area, we work up a sweat, crawling through tunnels and tiny kid spaces with Roa in tow so he can belong. At the Teddy Bear park, we lift his gait trainer onto the taller platforms when we notice Roa's longing gaze towards the "big kids" and their triumphant climb to the top. When another child wants to toss Roa a ball, we are his arms, with our hand over hand guidance throw the interactive play.
But, Bryan and I won't always be there to make sure Roa is allowed. That scares me most of all. Him, sitting alone, longing to be a part of the treehouse gang.
I moved on with my life after the treehouse denial. I spoke up for my differences, my gender, in games and play thereafter. I know we just need to prepare Roa to do the same.
Ahhh, acceptance. If only it would come easy for the kids like Roa that already go through so many battles.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
These are the people in my neighborhood
I don't think I have mention before to you all how wonderful our neighorhood is. Roa feels like a Rockstar on our little street. When the weather is nice and we head out for hour gait trainer walk, we are always greeted by friendly faces and people who stop to talk. We always know we have people to count on.
Judy and Jolly and Renae and Paul let us use their swimming pools in the summer months for Roa's water time. Russ, Steve, and Scott have snowblown and mowed to help us out. Sabria and Tim gave the boys Christmas gifts! Shelley, Judy, and Lori baked for us after the birth of Gunnar. Many gave us baby gifts. Don and Nancy help us with our two dogs. Russ and Kelly have helped us look for our runaway Molly dog! They also have Roa a special Halloween giftbag, just for him while trick or treating.
Lately, Lori has come over a few times a week to watch Gunnar while Roa, Bryan and I head out into the snow to walk our Max and Molly. Being able to get out and exercise as a family has been great!
We are truly blessed. Roa has guardian angels all up and down our little street!
Judy and Jolly and Renae and Paul let us use their swimming pools in the summer months for Roa's water time. Russ, Steve, and Scott have snowblown and mowed to help us out. Sabria and Tim gave the boys Christmas gifts! Shelley, Judy, and Lori baked for us after the birth of Gunnar. Many gave us baby gifts. Don and Nancy help us with our two dogs. Russ and Kelly have helped us look for our runaway Molly dog! They also have Roa a special Halloween giftbag, just for him while trick or treating.
Lately, Lori has come over a few times a week to watch Gunnar while Roa, Bryan and I head out into the snow to walk our Max and Molly. Being able to get out and exercise as a family has been great!
We are truly blessed. Roa has guardian angels all up and down our little street!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Little Earthquakes
Roa was eating snack yesterday and we were diligently working on holding his straw cup and doing some self-feeding. Brilliant Daddy came up with the idea of a mitt of sorts, with velcro that Roa could wear to help keep the cup in his hand. Laurie, the inventive OT, took the idea and cut a sock to fit Roa's hand. With velcro on his cup and the mitt- Roa can hold his own cup and drink! Amazing how liberating that is! For him and for us! Doing things on his own makes Roa so proud. Hooray!
I know,... I will attach a picture soon!
The other awesome event was when Roa noticed some food smudged on the back of his right hand and REACHED OVER WITH HIS LEFT HAND TO WIPE IT OFF! Wow! Teeny, tiny work for some, but a HUGE feat for King Roa!
I just about jumped out of my chair!
Do you hear it? Things are clicking? Little earthquakes that change our lives and make us believers in Hope!
I know,... I will attach a picture soon!
The other awesome event was when Roa noticed some food smudged on the back of his right hand and REACHED OVER WITH HIS LEFT HAND TO WIPE IT OFF! Wow! Teeny, tiny work for some, but a HUGE feat for King Roa!
I just about jumped out of my chair!
Do you hear it? Things are clicking? Little earthquakes that change our lives and make us believers in Hope!
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