Thursday, March 25, 2010

One of those days

I'm having one.  A day when things seem so BIG and HOPE is hiding behind a cloud of doubt. When each task is accompanied by a whisper of, "Really, Lord? This is the life of my son?  This frustration and lack of independence is his fate?"  Where questions far outnumber answers and the answer from God himself would still leave me with thoughts to mull over.  Ideas to research.

It's it funny how these days just sort of sneak up on you?  Creepout behind the couch and jump onto you, leaving you almost short of breath with anxiety over it all?  Maybe you don't know the feeling. Maybe you haven't personally experience sheer grief, utter fear over the unknown.  You other parents of kids who are differently abled know where I am coming from.

 SIGH... one of those days to shake off.  Wrap up in a blanket, drink a little tea, and cry during naptime.  Sob, cry, Woe is me,
until that gloriou child wakes up.

Then it is back to masking the pain. SMILE. Hide the fear. LAUGH.
Follow through with every therapist recomendation of the RIGHT way to solve our problem.  Position with every piece of equipment.  Entertain with every adapted toy.
And do so,.. with the ever present whisper in the background of this day...

Really,Lord?  This is the life of my son?  This is his fate?

9 comments:

  1. you said it sister. this was exactly how I felt this weekend. snuck right up on me and left me sobbing. I hope one day all of us parents going thru this struggle will get the answers to why this is happening. I have to believe we will!

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  2. We all have those days. Lately they've been happening more and more for me. I too put on a happy face and smile. Thinking about you!

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  3. No matter what our walk in life, we all have these days. It is difficult to understand....we probably never will. Just looking at these pictures of Roa smiling brings a smile. He is such a joy and blessing. Hang in there, keep the faith! The future WILL bring great things! Love you guys!!!

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  4. So well said! I love it, and I can't say how much I have been feeling that way lately..

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  5. You put into words so well what many parents of children with needs feels...often. It is a unique walk, that no one really understands unless they are walking that same road. Some days are ok, some are SO HARD! Hugs to you!

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  6. the good news is that tomorrow is another day! and things always look better after a nice hot cup of tea! (green is my fav!) it can be overwhelming and tiresome... just know you aren't alone :O) <<>>

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  7. Its the open ended grief thing, it just sneaks up on you doesnt it and hangs around for a while. Hope ur feeling better today, and only God knows Roas story, his fate, he will carry u both there.

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  8. Roa is a precious boy. I can relate to that tension of grief and anxiety and yet needing to press on and enjoy your special gift.

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