Bath Time Magic

Roa loves bathing with Gunnar now and sits so nice in his antique potty seat that the school loaned us. Yes, potty seat... But we use it in the tub as well.

Bag O' Cream

Shaving cream with food coloring play in side lying.

Guilt & Sorrow

This is not my most positive post.  Sorry,  but it is just one of those days.

 Hard day.
 
My body is tired.  I over did it yesterday-  I spent my free hours going through baby toys, clothes, etc for our upcoming garage sale while Maile, our PCA, had Roa.  That, plus the usual appointments, laundry, house stuff...topped off with Gunnar fighting allergies in the night, wore me out.

Today, it would be so nice to sit and play with my boys.  If they could run and play in the backyard, if they could stand at the sensory tables independently, if they could sit in the grass or sand box together and give me a bit of a break...

But that is not the cards Roa was dealt.  He does not sit.  He doesn't stand.  He cannot walk independently.
So, there is no break for this mom.  It has been an active morning for us all, playing in the backyard.
 I am Roa's legs for walking and kicking.  I am Roa's arms and hands for reaching and  holding.
He laughs, he squeals, he has fun.  BUT...

 Eventually, I need a rest- take a drink of coffee, go to the bathroom, stretch my back.
 When this happens,  the crying begins, the yells, the pleading,
"MOMMMA....MOMMMMMA!"... so sorrowful.

It wraps me in guilt like a thick down quilt in the summer.  That mornful cry because he can't do it on his own.  He cannot play without me.

Three days a week.  Three hours a day.  Maile is Roa's play-assist.  But the rest of the time while Daddy works, it is me- bending tight arms to reach for matchbox cars, moving stiff legs to help this weak torso sit forward towards the sand, pushing/pulling/steering a gait trainer on walks through the grass or down the street.  I am Roa's play.

And when I need to step away- to tend to Gunnar, to make a meal, to breathe....

The sounds of sorrow fill the air.  The begging cries of a child that can't do things on his own.  He is stuck in a body that doesn't listen to his brain.

It breaks my heart.  For four years now, I have listened to that cry.  It is hard.  Hard for me. 
Hard day.

However, this is not about me.

For Roa, EVERYDAY is a hard day.  Inside that body is a little boy who struggles to get out and play. 

But right now, all he can get out is the sorrowful, begging call that I will fight through my own guilt-ridden parent emotions and help him play.

Gorilla Glue & Jello

We did it.  Roa did it, that is...completed another round of Anat Baniel Method.   5  days of 10 sessions.  Full days.  He is a champ.  Yesterday, after we concluded with Pati, he took a 3 hour nap!  Tired little soldier.
Brief summary of our ABM experience this round-
-  Roa rests, relaxation and focuses so much better when weight bearing on his arms.  Pati did alot in 5 point (hands and knees with head down) or child's pose, yoga style.
- Roa decreases the tightness of his legs when he weight bears on his forearms when standing at the table.  Legs like Jello, Pati would tell him.
- Pati worked on a simple Eah for YES and Eah Eah for NO.  Roa responded well to that simple response.
And, the coolest thing, when Pati would place Roa's left hand on his right cheek in side lying and ask him to keep it glued there while they worked on rolling,... Roa slowly rolled with more ease.  The "gorilla glue" maneuver , helped lessen tone, slow him to give him time to process, and inhibit that natural reflex to Archer-arm.
It was a whirl wind of  brain processing by all.  Now off to a quiet week of reflection and practice of what we learned.
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4 year photos